Lockhart, you so crazy!

Jenna and I went on a little excursion to Lockhart, Texas two weeks ago to visit our friend Jen.  When you think of Lockhart, I am sure you think of one thing- BBQ!  They sure as hell have that (as an aside, if you ever have an in-law you’d like to uh… dispose of, you could always just take them to eat at Smitty’s and “accidentally” trip them near one of those massive open fire pits- how is that even legal!?), but Lockhart has OH SO MUCH MORE to offer.

Our introduction to Lockhart started with Jen’s UGE porch- if this thing doesn’t inspire you to want to sit on one of those chairs and pick a freaking banjo then you don’t have arms!

She also had this totally sick treehouse nestled amongst Lockhart’s friendly rattlesnakes and those goddamn weeds that stick to everything (Beggar’s Lice I believe- EFF those things).

We took a trip down to bustling downtown Lockhart and peeped the Lockhart farmer’s market where some “interesting” lady selling her books tried to sell me her “horror” novel.  How do these weirdos know I like horror, anyway?  I didn’t buy it because she was weird and I am cheap…  I also almost bought a cheap Chinese cowboy hat- have I gone mad!?

Lockhart has this crazy European looking building- ain’t this Texas, y’all?  WTF, secede, etc.

I watched this swallow feed its babies…

as I picked my nose.  NBD!

We caught a quick lunch at the ever amazing Mr. Taco (JUST KIDDING- don’t go to this place, it’s ‘rrhea city, y’all) and then headed to Lockhart’s hidden gem, the Lockhart state park. The Lockhart state park literally has EVERYTHING (can you best that old dude and find 24 lost balls!?!  Good luck, sucka!), assuming your idea of everything involves golf, swimming, hiking, and eating (ultimately, what else is there to life, anyway?).  This is where things got really crazy.

I mean, there was this massive waterfall- Niagara, eat your heart out!  Go Texas!!

What are Jen and Jenna so amazed by in this photo, you might ask…

…and the answer is this INSANE spider- if you look closely, it looks like it has a little red glowing eye- is it a government experiment gone wrong!?  Nope, it’s just a Western Spotted Orbweaver– at least I think so, I didn’t exactly cross reference it’s ventral pattern to verify, ya know.  This is apparently a female, full of creepy little eggs!

She caught a big ass grasshopper for her dinner, looks delicious!

Was one of those spiders responsible for this meticulous nest thing… or was it something more nefarious!?

Let’s play a little “Where’s Waldo” in nature- can you see the little dude here!?!

A few cool ass flowers for good measure…

On our way out of the park, we helped this guy safely cross the road (no, there is no joke hidden here, but I promise that no turtles were harmed in the making of this blog post).

The moral of this story is that Lockhart is weird (the place and the people), AMIRITE!?

On a totally unrelated note, watch this Jon Hope video, it is pretty cool.