I’m knocking on your window, please let me in.
Damn, y’all, I have not posted to this thing all week. Sometimes you have to “pay” the “bills”, and I am not talking about the things that ducks have. Although, as an aside, we once had a duck when I was a little man that my dad decided to name “L’Orange”. I didn’t get the joke until my mom explained it to me, but the budding animal rights activist in me would not let my dad eat the little dude. My mom helped me liberate him under cover of night… or maybe dad was just at work.
Lucky for all y’all, my adoring fan (Hi Sarah!) has requested MORE! Ok, I may be exaggerating a LEETLE bit but it tickles my heart to know that someone is reading this dreck (a shoutout to all my meshuggeneh Yids in the house!). ANYWAYS.
WHAT IS UP WITH BIRDS!?! AMIRITE!? I mean, they’re always flying into our windows! It’s not like those things have been cleaned recently or anything. I guess this really became a common occurrence when we got new windows a few years ago. They were obviously clean at the time, so I guess I can’t blame these dudes.
It all started with this red bellied woodpecker (as yet another an aside- I’m pretty sure the part of this bird’s body that’s red is NOT it’s belly; perhaps red-headed was already taken but this still makes no sense. Why not red-headed woodpecker 2- the squeakel?). He flew into the big window in our media room pretty hard! I think he was trying to get to my sick record collection- he looked like the obsessive collector type.
Thankfully, we were able to save the dude before Nicki gobbled him up. We put him in a little basket with a towel and he stared at us staring at him staring at us for a while. He eventually flew away- I’m glad he lived to peck another day.
That was just the beginning. The other day we found a smushed caterpillar on our front window, along with a lil’ feather and what looked like the outline of a bird’s head. This bird unfortunately did not even get to chow down on the caterpillar, but the caterpillar was definitely toast. The caterpillar will remain there as a warning to other birds that THIS IS A WINDOW (that, or I just don’t really like cleaning the windows…).
This phenomenon has so affected my psyche that I attempted to reproduce the bird/window experience artistically, thanks to the aid of the latest in 3D CGI movie magic technology (i.e. iphone camera , sculpey, feathers, and a spring). Here I am working with my buddies Kaiti and Aaron (Jonathan, not pictured here, made the awesome bird) on this ground breaking new project.
Attempts to reach the caterpillar (can you believe that I painted this masterpiece!?):
But, alas, that damn snare drum is in the way! This whole enchilada is intended to be our treatise on the futility of life and the problem of world hunger, or, as they say in Massachusetts, WICKED AHT! That green screen is just begging for a guest appearance from an Avatar or whatever.
…and now for my third aside of this post! The title of this post is from a song by a ridiculous defunct “vampire punk” band Ink & Dagger called Bloodlust wherein they talk about coming through your window to SUCK YOUR BLOOD. They actually played shows dressed up as vampires (and to think, Twilight was nary a twinkle in whats-her-face’s eye at the time). In the mid 90s my friend Liam and I threw garlic at them at a house show in Austin (GET IT!?), but I actually kind of like this song, guilty pleasure style.