I love dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs- dogs, I do adore.

I love dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs- dogs, I do adore.

My grandfather always said that having a dog around allowed you to live longer.  Whether that’s true or not, I’ve always liked having canine companions around.  It definitely bums me out to see lots of mistreated and/or abandoned dogs in my neighborhood (as an aside, Jenna almost ran over a Husky yesterday that was literally lying in the middle of the road- wtf!), but I want the stuff I write on here to be positive so I won’t dwell on that.

Let me introduce you to the special little weirdos in my life, affectionately referred to as “the buttholes”- that’s a term of endearment, right?  We’ll go in alphabetical order to protect the feelings of all dogs involved.

First up, there’s Maddex aka “The Head”.  This dude’s head is freaking UGE, I mean this thing seriously weighs a ton.  So much so that he rests it on everything every chance he gets.  We play a little game I like to call “rest your big ass head on my hand”, which involves sticking out my hand and waiting for him to rest his hand on it (duh).  I get a kick out of it- thankfully, I am easily amused.

Maddex is one of those “pit bulls” you have undoubtedly heard so much about.  This “breed” is one of my absolute favorites, and the fact that they are so often maligned really chaps my hide.  Perhaps it isn’t a “civil rights” issue since dogs aren’t really people (or are they…?), but I cannot stand breed specific legislation that targets these dogs- shout outs to Love-A-Bull.  Adopt a pit bull today, y’all.

Maddex also has a voracious apetite.  He likes to eat the grossest things- he has a total sweet tooth for organic ant poison and fish emulsion.  My parents once visited for seder (yeah, I figure most people reading this probably know what a seder is, but I do live in Texas- there are like 5 Jews here) and they brought a 5 pound brisket.  It was in a cooler, but this crafty little guy could smuggle food out of Fort Knox.  He, of course, ate the whole damn thing and sprayed diarrhea all over the wall in our living room.  That was pretty freaking gross.

Here’s a photo of his ridiculous head- this image has not been doctored.

Next up, there is old Micha, aka Bear.  Micha was the first dog I ever adopted aside from dogs we had at my folks’ house.  Micha will lick anything- he loves to lick the hardwood floors, the carpet, your hands, your legs…  Micha once licked my old roommate’s feet for close to an hour and he developed a weird rash on his feet.  That was his fault, I say- Micha is innocent!

Micha’s hobbies include chasing moving reflections and/or lights (he will literally try to bite the wall if there’s some sort of moving light on it), digging little holes to lie in, and licking Nicki’s eyes/ears.  He’s also got a little ridge since he’s part ridgeback (the other part is heeler- who knows what else) and a full time punk rocker.

Micha is getting old now- he’s 13 this year!  As such, he ain’t getting around so well these days and he lets out some pretty brutal old man farts, mostly of the “silent but deadly” variety.

Last, but certainly not least, there’s Nicki.  Nicki is the most primal of the pack.  While she LOVES people, she is absolutely not a fan of any dog she does not know.  She has been known to eat small animals- the cuter, the better!  These include, but are not limited to, baby birds and bunnies.  She once ate a baby Cardinal that I was attempting to save- here’s a picture of that tiny little thing before Nicki chomped on it.

I think Nicki is a lab/shepherd mutt, but she looks suspiciously like an Anatolian Shepherd in some ways.  Since those dogs are bred to take down wolves and Nicki’s a little wild, maybe there’s a connection.

Nicki demands attention- she will literally put her head under your hand and force you to pet her.  She’s really soft so it’s cool, y’all.  She also has problems with her pee-er and she once had a bladder stone removed that was literally the size of half a tennis ball- and that was just one of two (granted, the other was a bit smaller).  I hung it on the fridge like the proud dad I am.

Nicki loves to wait in ambush just outside the back door so she can pounce on Micha as soon as he comes out.  She was the hardest to take a picture of because she won’t site still if she thinks that anyone might be interested in paying attention to her, so her photo is not entirely in focus.  You get the idea.

For all you crazy cat people, here’s a little picture of our porch cat, Gracie.  She just showed up on our porch one day and she never left.  She is really weird.